said: the undead
Here's an interesting and rather disturbing post from LiveJournal, with GMTH reporting about her kid's homework assignment to write a short scene that would fit into a book they're reading (GMTH points out with glee that this is fan fiction the kids are writing). One of the instructions given by the teacher: said is dead. To help the kids beat poor old dead 'said' deeper into its grave, the teacher provided a list of about one hundred alternates, including things like brayed and warbled and vocalized. In the discussion on LiveJournal somebody else provides a link to this site that gives advice on writing Harry Potter fanfiction, where the same said is dead pronouncement comes up, with the same list. I found the original link to the LiveJournal discusson at Neil Gaiman's journal.
I am a great supporter of fan fiction, of storytelling in all its forms, and I also do really believe that anyone can learn to write a story, and write it well. Talent helps, but it's not strictly necessary. The things you do need: to be persistent, to be dedicated, to understand the process, and to read a lot. It also helps if people in positions of authority, especially teachers, don't give you bad advice before you're old enough to recognize it for the garbage it is. Can kids survive this kind of bad teaching? Sure. The point is, they shouldn't have to. The mystery is: where does this utter nonsense come from? How does it survive? I am reminded of my father, who grew up in rural Italy in the 1910s-20s. He firmly believed, no matter what kind of evidence presented to the contrary, that maggots were generated from dead meat. Flies? Nothing to do with it. He was taught this as a kid, and he never could quite let it go.
I can promise this: If my daughter ever came home with a list like this one with said is dead at the top, I would head straight for the school to have a serious discussion with the teacher.
Red Dirt Girl from the album "Red Dirt Girl" by Emmylou Harris