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belly laugh

I figured I should follow up funerals with something a little lighter, so here (via the radiant Robyn Bender) an essay from Steve Tilley, who writes for Sun Media. The essay is called "Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Then you owe me $20 milliion dollars."

And of course it's about Andrew F. Knight's dopey scheme to patent a plot, which I brought up a couple days ago, here.

Here's a bit of the essay. When you've stopped giggling, go read the whole thing, okay? He deserves your clicks, does Steve Tilley. Who wrote these words:

The actual patent application is about four quintillion pages long and makes my brain hurt, so we'll refer instead to a press release about the application.

The Zombie Stare "tells of an ambitious high school senior, consumed by anticipation of college admission, who prays one night to remain unconscious until receiving his MIT admissions letter."

OK, I'm already lost. Why would you have to pray to become unconscious? That's what tequila is for. This kid's not going to last a week in college if he doesn't know that.

It continues: "He consciously awakes 30 years later when he finally receives the letter, lost in the mail for so many years, and discovers that, to all external observers, he has lived an apparently normal life."

What the hell? Where do the undead come into the picture? Does he wake up to discover zombies have eaten his brain, and the cute co-eds at MIT are put off by the gaping, blood-encrusted hole in his skull?

No. In fact: "He desperately seeks to regain 30 years worth of memories lost as an unconscious philosophical zombie."

So it's not about zombies at all. It's a male version of 13 Going On 30. It's Fry from Futurama, give or take 970 years. It's Rip Van Freakin' Winkle - with a lot of sleepwalking.

Hey dude, Washington Irving called and he wants his story back. Yeah, he's been dead for almost 150 years, but he called from the grave because he's a non-philosophical zombie. You know, the kind that don't suck.

November 6, 2005 07:57 PM

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Posted by: Teresa at November 7, 2005 01:46 PM

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