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this awkward construction
That construction I mentioned in yesterday's post: pink-tinted nails? In half hour I found five examples in six novels, and they all have to do with color. I'm sure I've seen this construction about things other than color, but this is what I've got right now:
pink-tinted nails
wine-tinted fingertips
scarlet-painted mouth
This construction strikes me as terribly awkward and self conscious, even coy. You want to tell the reader what color something is? You've got two (reasonable) choices: straightforward
one pink nail tapped impatiently on the table top
his mouth was shockingly scarlet
metaphor
a nail as pink and sharp as a claw
a mouth like a slashed heart
If you run into examples of this construction, please do post them in the comments. If you write such constructions, I'd like to respectfully suggest that you rethink your approach.
October 5, 2005 10:34 AM
Comments
I haven't noticed any color dashes, but I've been noticing something for the past several weeks that I think is wrong. Is it, or am I? "She clasped him to her...." Shouldn't that be 'herself' rather than 'her'? I keep running across this construction, and it is like fingernails on a blackboard. I've long since given up on split infinitives (even though they rankle me); so maybe this self obsession of mine is another case of English changing when I wasn't looking.
Posted by: asdfg at October 5, 2005 03:53 PM
There is something odd about that example; kind of makes me think "clasped him to her...what?" Heaving bosom? I used to think I was descriptive when it came to grammar, but let's be honest...I'm prescriptive through and through. English is a living language and is constantly evolving, but I don't have to like it. My husband just rolls his eyes and laughs when I get up in arms over a misplaced comma.
Posted by: Teresa at October 5, 2005 08:21 PM
I found an example of one of the above in Diana Gabaldon's latest Outlander novel- A Breath Of Snow And Ashes:
her daughter's pink-rimmed eyes,
Well it practically jumped off the page and whacked me in the face. all thanks to your post, Sarah.
Posted by: Peta at October 12, 2005 02:11 AM