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in which I contradict myself without apology
I do love technology, but sometimes I am baffled by its misuse. Consider, just for a moment, the telephone. Before Ma Bell gave birth to her unruly hoarde of Baby Bells, phones were boring. Indestructible for the most part, but otherwise unremarkable. The Princess Phone, the ultimate in Marie Osmond-esque hip, was as jazzy as it got.
Fast forward to the current situation. Everybody is making phones. Not just good ole ATT and the Baby Bells: everybody. I have this sense that in back of every dry cleaners, pizza joint and shoe repair shop there's some guy with a hunk of plastic, some cheap wiring, and a screwdriver. This guy is sure he can build the phone we've all been waiting for, the one with exactly the right combination of features. He'll build it and market it and it will be out there with the 354 other models put together by people just like him. People with no common sense, and no idea what my kitchen is like.
It seems so simple, until you look at the list of possible features. Cord/cordless; speakerphone; multiple or single line; answering machine with/without call screening, with/without date stamping, with/without remote retrieval, with/without multiple boxes; caller ID; call waiting ID; spoken commands, spoken caller ID, spoken date/time; intercom system built in; expandable; dual keypads, lighted keypads, keypads that play sounds or don't; personalized ringer options.
The only guarantee is that one or more of the features on the phone I end up buying will stop working within two weeks. Almost certainly the one feature I really needed. The answering machine will go on strike, but the ringer option that sounds like chipmunks mating will be there forever.
With all the choice out there, why has nobody come up with something simple? Like this: make a list of the features you want on your phone, and we'll put it together for you and show you the price as you add or delete features. We'll stand behind our work and our materials for three years, and replace the phone if any part of it stops working. For that, I'd pay. Because you know what I want? A simple phone with three things: a cord (our power goes out on a regular basis, out here in the boondocks, and cordless phones don't work without electricity); caller ID; a simple, easy to use, clear answering machine. I don't need date stamping, a special voice mailbox for my dogs, a phone that talks to me, or a stereophonic ringer.
The reason I need a phone like this is simple: the one I bought six weeks ago, which had too many features beyond the ones I wanted, has started snarling at people, a huge rush of static instead of my usual recorded message: You've reached 555-5555. Now you say something.
If you know some technologically savvy, engineering oriented young person looking for a hole in the market, would you please steer her or him to this idea of mine? There's got to be a future in custom built, high quality phones. I'm trying to talk my daughter into it, but I'm not making much progress.
March 23, 2005 05:03 PM
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Comments
Oh, I really like that concept! I had a similar battle recently, trying to buy a mobile...to my horror, I would have had to pay more for a mobile without a camera in it. In the end, I chose one on the basis of a sole deciding factor: how easy it was to type text messages quickly. Hence, I have a phone with a useless camera but a great keypad! :o)
Posted by: Meredith at March 24, 2005 06:13 PM
There's a place on Aurora in Seattle called The Old Technology Shop, where you have the opportunity to pay too much money for various forms of technology in their prime: phones, calculators, power tools, etc. There are phones in there that would fit perfectly on a list of murder weapons with candlestick holder and lead pipe. Something you could actually trust to hold together in a fit of rage.
I bought a phone about 6 years ago that was supposed to be a nice tough "basic phone". I snapped the receiver in half during a telephone argument with my girlfriend. I haven't really trusted new tech since.
Posted by: Joshua at March 25, 2005 04:17 PM